I mean the ones in your head! Comments, like - come on, you don’t really know what you are doing. What right do you have to stand out in the crowd? You’re not as talented as you say you are! You’re a fake - and everyone knows it!!
Who do those comments really belong to - who are the authors?
I recently spent an hour with a voice student in which we didn’t sing a note. Rather, we talked about those authors. This singer had come into my studio that day feeling very blue. Her first comment to me was, “I really can’t sing - I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
First, let me tell you that this singer is an amazing performer. She can sing rock n’ roll like nobody’s business! She’s still learning how to control the slower tones, but when it comes to an upbeat song, she’s powerful, she’s persuasive - someone who owns the stage. When she’s “on” she’s riveting to watch!
So I asked her to write down all of the negative comments she tended to make to herself when she got caught up in her stuff. Then we worked on identifying who the authors of those comments were. It turns out that she grew up in a really strict church community - with a strong message that congregants whose ambitions included anything personal, not for the benefit of the church, were sinful. In addition to that, she unfortunately had abusive parents. So those negative comments were very powerful and had strongly influenced her view of herself.
After she made note of who or what in her life owned those comments, then she wrote down opposing - positive - comments to respond to each negative comment. These reflect the beliefs that she held that tended to get overshadowed by the conditioning she’d received from others.
For instance:
Who do you think you are? was answered by: I am as talented as I always thought I was.
What right to you have to stand out in the crowd” was answered by: I have something wonderful to give people.
You’re a fake - you don’t know what you’re doing! was answered by: I’ve worked hard at my craft and am good at what I do.
You’ll never succeed because you’ve no right to - was answered by - I’m going to be as successful as I’m destined to be.
Lastly, I asked her to identify what it was she really wanted to do with her singing and then write an “I Am” statement. Also, she was to include an adjective to describe how she would feel to be doing what she wants to do:
She wrote:
I am the lead singer of a local band who is “thrilled” to sing all around town!
She will put these three pages up on her music room wall and anytime she starts reciting her usual negative thoughts, she can look at the first page to see who the author is, then remember how she really feels about herself by looking at the second page and remind herself of who she is by reading her “I Am” Statement.
By the way, while she was writing out her “I Am” statement, I asked her to write one down for me and all my students to be posted on my wall. It says,
“I Really Am as good as I think I Am.